I suppose it’s apt that this week I decide to begin writing again. The past 10 days have been alternately grueling and sometimes outright bizarre. I am a stone’s throw away from “my people” – the homeless, disenfranchised, lost, seekers, enlightened, and flat out hucksters. In the 5 days I’ve been at this location, I’ve done and seen some weird things. I’ve tried to blend in, but I stand out and as usual, fall back to my typical “fix it” mode in a pinch.

I suppose I’m seeking something like the others. Something lost that I can’t reach no matter how hard I try. Is it age or just the rock hard evidence that time passes, wisdom is acquired, and some people grow up very, very slowly? I want my youth back with the brain and experience I have now. Instead, I’m walking through a world where everyone calls me ma’am and I look so absurdly out of shape and out of touch that it’s really kind of amazing that anyone takes me seriously at all. I am the epitome of everyone’s mother and grandmother. A person you turn to for comfort, affirmation, a boost, a kick in the pants.

Did I really take enough time to be just young? To live without cares or responsibilities? To just do what *I* wanted to do because everyone else could just go to hell? Nope. And now there are regrets and this week an attempt to turn back the clock.

It’s strange really. I know that these young people live basically lonely lives – insecure about themselves and spending a lot of time on their exteriors so that they can be accepted or simply noticed. They hang in packs and communicate in zeros and ones. The media pervades their existence.

On the other hand, I, while living in a much older body, have all the spark of a 25 year old and the wisdom of a person whose next birthday will bring her closer to 60 than 50. Not sure I’m willing to trade much for that. But I can stop looking like everyone’s grandmother. It’s going to take work. That’s OK. I know how to work. Another epiphany of the week.

Young thing here has thrown a number of enlightening comments my way:

1) You get off on getting up at 5am and being a work before everyone else. No one works more than you. No one is better than you (and this proves it in your mind).
2) You always have to be right.
3) Ew (in reference to my appearance while young thing is drunk).
4) You brake check. Fine – you try driving on the LA Freeway and not brake check.
5) You are totally out of touch with sports, media, what’s in, what’s cool – how young people think.

I guess I was more in touch when I was teaching at University. But his candid appraisals of my weaknesses may end up being the things I came here to learn. 3 days left. No doubt more to come.