Running to keep up

First – Happy birthday to my only granddaughter.  You know who you are.  You don’t yet know you’ve met me, but you’ll know some day.

New office property closed on Thursday and the moving and painting has gone full-force since then.  As of today, there are only a handful of items in the old office.  The new office has three rooms painted – 5 to go.  😦   Internet connectivity established today and Diet Coke stocked in the fridge.  Of course, the computers aren’t actually hooked up and there’s a forecast for snow again tomorrow.  My left knee is in shambles and my doc’s office called 4 (FOUR) times on Friday to be sure I’m showing up tomorrow at 11:15am.

No word back from crazy RFP – but frankly, I have concerns since the last parting shot that procurement made to me was to demand that I work for no payment until Phase 1 was completed.  Of course this could be 2-4 month and hundreds of hours.  This really doesn’t work for me.  I countered with 15 April, whichever is sooner and I’ve heard not word one since.

Team is heading into town in March in part to celebrate hubby’s birthday and in part to refocus, regroup, and reestablish exactly who we are and where we’re going.

The only thing that is clear right now is that we’re going there in a nice building.

Can’t quite figure out this February

Drama rages on all around me.  Clients lost to competitors.  Just got out of a meeting where a procurement officer evaluating an RFP really wants the numbers in different places.  Apparently, I am supposed to be able to read their minds and give them what ever other vendor gives them.   Procurement is worried that the RFP proposal could become and endless pull on their resources.  Exactly how this is possible when it has a bottom line – I cannot figure out.  I just need to see some of these other RFPs to figure out what they are talking about….

I am a little concerned about business right now.  It’s painful to do all the work of selling, only to have the potential client select another vendor.  Problem is, the don’t want to tell you why they chose the other guy.  Trust me, I’ve asked.  Reality is that I just have to keep at it and find more potentials.

Kitchen is not yet finished and I’m not certain the contractor knows all that is still left on the list of “stuff to be done”.  We still need some cabinet replacements, a bar handle on the pull out trash/recycle area, screw coverings on the interior cabinets, one knob handle needs to be found, and there’s trim near the end of the cabinetry next to the garage door that must be put in place.  Add to that the need for a bit more filler in some places and I think we are done.

We still have a garage full of stuff, some of which will be transported to the new office.  Bad weather is on the way, so today won’t be a day I can consider starting a move.

I’m tired. Wish I were in a little bit better mood.  I get to meet the Chief Academic Officer for grandson’s school district tonight – to discuss all the nonsense of last week.  I am soooo looking forward to that.  Sigh.

Can’t escape the drama

Soooo, Thursday I picked up my grandson after school, fed him and got him started on homework.  Suddenly, he said, “You know what the worst part of today was?  When a lady from CPS took me out of math class and made me talk to her.”  Yep.  The school called CPS for reasons not yet clear, but probably related to his response to the ongoing religious persecution he’s experienced in his classroom.  The class is comprised of kids who have almost all been together going on 5 years.  Teacher is a fundamentalist Christian, and at least one girl in the class has a father who is a protestant minister.  We’ve dodged issues of paper topics throughout the year, including one in which a discussion of the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance was deemed too controversial.  Interestingly, the teacher delivering anonymous Christmas cards to each child’s mailbox was not so controversial.

So, grandson is pushing limits hard and has had kids whisper to him that he’s going to hell and that he must love Satan because at this point in his lengthy 10-year-old life, he’s pronounced himself an atheist.  Wonder if Grade 5 has helped push him that way?  No matter.  He did something inappropriate (wrote on his hand) in class in response and the next thing we know, we’ve got the school psychologist talking to him (without family present), the Vice Principal, School Counselor and someone else then doing the same.  Friday culminated in the visit by CPS (without family present).  Of course, this gal claims she asked for an appointment and was ignored (she mailed it on Feb 3, it arrived afternoon of Feb 5 – appointment was for 8am Feb 5).  Long story short, there has been fear, confusion, a wake-up call for my grandson’s mother, and another long hard look at the public school system.  We’ve got a meeting on Monday with the Principal who still denies that the school called.  Cowards.  Talk about violating a sacred trust.  This kid is in no danger.  How do we send him back to school knowing they will do this on a moment’s notice?

For the record, I was raised Southern Baptist, went through my own agnostic, New Age  hippie, try on a bunch of churches period.  I am now a semi-practicing Episcopalian.  I like this group of people because they respect the origins of liturgy, but are actually rationalists.

I do, however, rabidly believe in the separation of church and state.  At this point I want to demand that the school start recognizing Jewish, Muslim, Wiccan, Ba’hai and ISIS holidays and whatever else anyone can think of.  I would really like to see the kids who’ve been whispering “You’re going to burn in hell” to have a psych eval because,well, that sounds like bullying to me.

Work continues to be on a bit of a roller coaster and hubby and I had it out yesterday morning because of his sheer moodiness and taking it out on me.  I really just need a week/month without drama.  I’m thinking that might be too much to ask, but I’m still setting my intentions on making it happen.

Business, Family, Relationships

Week is coming to an end.   There has been much drama on the work front with a major supplier of software to us wreaking havoc with an existing agreement we have with them.  Hopefully, we’ve reached a compromise as of yesterday but my inbox is devoid of messages from them so I am by no means certain.  It is clear that we will continue to diversify in 2015.  This will mean some more long days.

Just for the record, owning your own business is simultaneously liberating and imprisoning.  The hours are brutal at times, but the ability to make decisions on the spot is usually wonderful.  Until you realize that you alone are responsible for any ripple effect of those decisions.  I know for a fact that if I had to do this over again, I would not.  I would be quietly retired and enjoying my retired husband (I think – another subject) and a life free of these particular responsibilities.  I don’t like the stress, the hours, or the amount of space this company continues to take up in my daily thoughts.  And yet, I truly hated working for other people.  I never, ever got the true recognition that I’d earned because to recognize me was a threat to them.  Duly noted.  No grandiose thinking here – I could typically do my boss’ jobs without problems.  Now I am the boss.  Cool, but it’s no vacation.

Retirement for my husband is a total coin flip.  He hates having days without structure or tasks by which he defines himself as valuable, capable, and relevant.  He and I often have power struggles over minor things and I’ve grown to feel like I no longer really understand how our relationship works on so many levels.  I am exhausted most of the time and he is either bored or highly invested in some project.  The days that should be filled with gentle intimacy are instead filled with what we’re familiar with – managing the logistics of the tasks of the day.  He doesn’t really see this as broken.  And I don’t really know how to start moving us to a better place.  He believes we have all the time in the world, and the people in my life have taught me that such a belief is simply not true.  What to do?

Oh – update on brother-in-law:  Stage 3a lung cancer.  Starts radiation and chemo tomorrow.  Age: 57.  Think about that.